On Michael Jackson's passing

It surprised me when I stumbled on the news on Michael Jackson's death at age 50 (actuarial students would probably say: to be precise, it is age 50 last birthday...) when I was routinely searching for the latest EPL updates.

I wrote this on facebook just minutes ago:

I have to admit the Michael Jackson I knew before he died was a freak; an eccentric middle age man who was constantly unhappy with how he looked and tried relentlessly to look like a person he wasn't; a re*arded father who dangled his baby son over the balcony. It is only after some (toilet) reading of newspaper review of his life and some youtube search of his old videos that I realise he is a legend (on stage)!

and one of my online friends immediately replied he loved the old Jackson, the one who was his original self and not the man who was troubled and constantly caught the media's eyes for the wrong reason.

Celine Dion talked about Michael Jackson on the breaking news right after his death. I thought what she said on how Jackson fell from his stardom was spot on:

"I thought it was so unfortunate, Larry(the news broadcaster), because ... he was under pressure. I think we all live under pressure differently. We live under pressure because we want to give the audience and the fans what they look forward, what they expect. We wanna do a better album, we wanna do a better show. I think Michael Jackson lived under pressure all the time, since he was five years old, wanting to please his family, his fan, and putting the bar so high... that even like, he needed to be surpassing his own belt. And I think it's so unfortunate that the pressure was so tremendous, I am so sure that if you only live under pressure and you don't have something, your family, your husband, your wife, your children, I mean, he probably had so much but he didn't have the balance."

Michael Jackson said he was used to being beaten by his father when he was a young boy on Oprah Winfrey's show. Michael Jackon began his journey to stardom back when he was a five-year-old boy, performing with his brothers. To me, the sentiments he showed when singing those hits were not expected from a pre-puberscent boy. They were not lullabys, not songs like Old Macdonald Had A Farm...the songs were about heartbreaks, about anger, about love. These are undoubtedly emotions of an adult. He had outgrown his age. He was literally....an adult singer notwithstanding his age.

What came after his peak were a series of events which put him under constant criticism from the mainstream media. He seemed unhappy to be a black and changed his physical appearance through plastic surgeries (he looked like crap after that, to me at least), he was accused of paedophilia, and child abuse when he notoriously held his baby son over the balcony etc. Sadly, these are what definine Michael Jackson to me. I see Michael Jackson as a freak, a weirdo, an outdated celebrity, a mentally retarded monster. It is until his death when I read all the news review and listened to his music on youtube that I see the reason behind the huge population of fans of his worldwide - you've got to admit that he is a star, no matter you like him or otherwise.

I strongly believe that his early rise to the limelight is what took his life, not just "life" in the sense of the ability to breathe, but also the normalcy that you and I take for granted all the time. From what I can see from the omnipresent reviews on Michael Jackson's life journey, he was not normal. He didn't have a normal childhood, teenage years, marriage, adult life ... Just like how Celine Dion puts it, he didn't have the BALANCE to everything he had: fame, celebrity status, admiration, expectation from his fan ...

Coincidentally I was having this conversation with a friend on how people have different intelligence level and whether this is 'fair' as intelligent people tend to work less hard and score better academically. Michael Jackson's life story tells me something: God gives all of us different gifts. Some people may have more gifts than the others. However it is up to us to use what we have to sketch our life journey, whether that means an exceptional roller-coaster ride with highs and lows or an ordinary track with simple happiness, or a delicate balance between the two extreme end of the continuum. It is never a question of 'fairness'. There is always a trade-off to everything.

The damage done by spotlights - The Susan Boyle drama

It's strange that I'm blogging about Susan Boyle on my birthday instead of exclaiming my excitement at joining the '21 club'. Yea of course I am happy, and guess what it's the last day of uni for this semester! (but that means exams are scarily near!)

I knew right after the finale of Brittain's got talent that Susan Boyle lost. I am not a fan of her. I think she's good but not good enough for me to become a die-hard fan for. I prefer listening to Celine Dion instead. (Recently I started on Jason Mraz too, thanks to all my frens who continuously praise his great-ness at his recent concert in Sydney.

I feel sorry for Susan. Before the reality show she is a nobody - an unemployed, 'a virgin that is never been kissed before' (I'm just quoting Susan), suffered from some health complication when she was an infant, live only with her cat etc. And out of the sudden, everyone is watching her first performance at Brittan's got talent on Youtube. >50 million hits for heaven's sake! If that's not called sudden fame, I wonder what is?!

When the first wave of Susan craze greets the world I secretly wish she will put it all through. The pressure from the millions of her fans, the scrutiny of worldwide mass media, the unrealistic expectation from her audience. People seem to forget that she is only just a HUMAN, like you, me, all of us! She is bound to react what a normal human will to things like...unceasing disruption and pressure from the media. Come on human beings on earth, we err, we make mistakes, and we constantly improve ourselves, NONE OF US IS PERFECT! But the expectation put on Susan Boyle is that she is akin to a God, her voice is from "heaven" and she HAS to win the competition to justify her instant fame.

I'm quite sure when she decided to join the competition she was just wanting to be heard, to be noticed, to be recognised that she is not a nobody, and her life is not worthless. She succeeded in touching the heart of millions of people in the world, people who are labeled a 'failure' start to see hope after Susan's rise to the limelight. I am touched by her courage - a plain looking middle age woman working hard to pursue her dream - though I'm not that much into her singing (coz I prefer Celine Dion lol!). But I want to see her put through all the hurdles, I want to see her succeed in life, not just in the competition. I want to see her becoming a more confident person than she was before and realising she can do something with her life, as the world recognises her voice.

Weeks later, I read the news on her falling popularity in Britian due to her 'strange behaviour', which I am pretty sure is due to pressure from the media and her fans. And after that, the news on her 'disappointing' performance that make her on runners-up instead of the Champion in the show is on almost every daily paper, celebrity magazines on earth. Hey isn't that already a great achievement? Why MUST she be crowned champion to be appreciated? Is taking the runners-up a shame? a disgust?

See that's the toll of unrealistic expectation. That's exactly the reason behind all the stories on 'falling stars', 'falling genius' that I have seen and read so often in the past. Had they been given the time like everyone else, had they been allowed to progress in a healthy pace, had they been given the right to live a normal childhood, had they been given a normal brought-up, they will do well.

But......the damage has been done. She swore in the public (actually many of us do, but we often get away with it coz we are nobody, and Susan is somebody) and that event condemned her to rapidly declining popularity and criticism from the WORLD. Can you just imagine what sort of pressure that would be? Can you imagine yourself being finger-pointed by strangers, being called silly names because of how you look and how disappointed they are at mistaken you as a admirable person?

Was her second singing of "I Dreamed a Dream" better than her first? I would definitely say YES! But many of her fans just won't feel it anymore, because her image is tainted by her outburst before the finale. For many, Susan is no longer their idol because of the swearing that shock the world who once saw her as an innocent middle-age woman who was strong, cheerful and adorable.

She must be really miserable now. Her fame doesn't do her any good, apart from the short-lived popularity. But still, I believe that her heart is as pure as gold and the outburst was totally unintentional. She just happened to be irritated and acted irrationally, without knowing the extent of the public pressure she would face later on.

Be strong Susan, and the storm will be over soon.